Choice Center is no Choice

Las Vegas is my new home. The fucking desert and all it's dry excruciating hotness. I am from the water, born of the sea, and the most pure when in it. Twice have I said, "never again" to this extreme. It was the main reason I left the Army, that and the threat of death, but mostly the desert. The second is my resistance to the family farm in West Texas. Holy Jesus, has that caused some issues with me and one of my paternal units. Yet, here I sit in no mans land, baking and drying out in a town that makes no sense. But, why am I having so much fun in a place and climate that is awful? Of course the answer is simple and logical, the community of people I have surrounded myself with. My army buddy Dave in the source of this adventure. He talked me into a leadership course that transformed my life. He gave me a gift, one that I'm eternally grateful for and one I'd like to share. The work, and transformation, have been absolutely the best experience of my life. It taught me how to love myself and how to love others for who they are. If you're at all familiar with this type of study, then you can confer how much my ego was in control. The ego is a hell of a thing and one that controls the experiences of your life. Goddamn I was a miserable cuss. The only way to explain it was I believed that I was actually living in Hell. There was so much pain everyday, that it actually seemed plausible. Google "Are we in hell?", and see all the posts. There's even hour long YouTube videos exploring the idea. In all fairness some of the video were actually quite interesting, and if you like to think about new and interesting ideas it's worth a watch. Then this fucking thing called EQ revealed itself. Emotional Intelligence what? It had to be another self help, new age, pseudo science, Tony Robbins bullshit that the sheeple will love. Actually I wasn't that bad, but I didn't think it would work. Fast forward to the first of two four day weekends. Mind fucking blown!!! Converted!!! Evangelist!!! All the things!!! I can tell what it is and what it does, but I'm assuming like faith, you have to experience it. Being a non-believer, I never knew what that 'feeling' was, and internally scorned those that did. The opiate for the masses mindset. I've been trying to tell people what it transformation is like, and working hard to get those I care about most to go. Nope!!! They're not interested and give me what I assume was my look to people who have found the 'answer'. Fair. Actually the more I think about it, the more I empathize with those I'm beating up to go. It's this weird place that you understand why people are resistant, and the belief you have a secret that you want to share. I have an ANSWER people, trust me and I promise you it'll be amazing. Here's the thing though, it's not all the answers, just one big one, and it spills over to other things. The struggle is still real, but you get some powerful tools that become ingrained in you to help. That last sentence is what I feel is my biggest obstacle when talking to people about the training. Most of my friends and family are in the business world, a lot of them corporate. I remember sitting through countless corporate training, listening to someone talk about whatever bullshit they had. Looking back it's not fair to call the training concept or material bullshit. I'm sure there are reasons, great reasons, for them all to exist, but the balance of training value and profit maximization probably waters the material down. Also it's mandatory, which immediately puts up a lot of barriers for me. So if I talk to you and you think it's going to be a waste of time like all the other trainings you've done before, I understand. So how did I go from hating the desert and moving to Las Vegas to ranting about the power of EQ? I don't know, writing isn't my strong point and I wander. Actually, the training allowed me to start living, start connecting with other, and push me to make some decisions. It's given me a community to work, live, laugh, cry, care, and love. I live in Dave's five bedroom house with three other people, Dave included. We live in an environment of love and joy, where we push each other to be our best, live in the moment, and continually grow. I'd love to share more about the work and what it's done for me. If you ask me what flavor kool-aid I drank, it's grape. If you think I've lost my mind, I'm open to the possibility of it, and willing to hear you out. If you're happy for me, but think it won't work for you, then I dare you to prove me wrong. In fact, I challenge you to make a video of yourself before you go to class and then one of you afterwards. I wish I had done that, so I could laugh at my before 'self' and all the hubris. As soon as you get done with the training, you'll be posting inspirational bullshit like I am now. Is this the answer to all the problems, the holy grail of blue pills that will cause instant happiness. Kind of, sort of. Life is still hard, we will still have our moments and trials, because that is life. Life is tragic and hard and beautiful and is your experience to do with as you wish. What it will do, is it will allow you to connect with yourself and everyone around you. EVERYONE!!! Does that make sense, fuck no it doesn't, because there are some douchey, douchebaggery, doucheholes out there. But you can. What a TedTalk on how a black guy made friends with a grand dragon KKK. Or how a radical feminist made a documentary with the original goal of showing how awful the men's movement is, only to end up being one of their biggest advocates. Watch these videos, listen to the stories, and mentally note how many times they mention emotional intelligence. What can I say, I really love Grape flavored stuff. Well this was my first blog post in a while and I declare to post everyday. Much peace and love. Brent